John Lohmeier's Reel Man Movie Reviews

21

Guns (5 out of 6)

      

Roses  (8 out of 12)

      

      

Official 21 Movie Site

G N' R

Guns will love the pulse of this movie.  It captures the seduction of Vegas so well.

Rose will love the math geek transformation to Vegas rock star of Ben (Jim Sturgess).  His rags to riches to rags as the trust he had in his mentor, Professor Mos (Kevin Spacey) is revealed as only an enterprise is both heartbreaking and cynical for anyone who has been screwed by a mentor you trusted before.

Sequel Suggestion

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.  A young chicken with a gift for physics escapes a Vegas buffet kitchen to befriend a cross dressing show girl struggling to make ends meet.  Together they come up with a plan for a vegetarian dinner theater musical funded by the winnings from the chicken's ability to determine the ball's trajectory on a roulette table.

Recommendation

Count your blessings that a decent summer rental is here.  Rent 21 now.

John Lohmeier

8/10/08

Otis

Guns (5 out of 6)

      

Roses  (3 out of 12)

      

Official Otis Movie Site

None

G N' R

Guns will love the warped methods of finding dates Otis (Bostin Christopher) uses in rejection of eHarmony and other traditional matchmaking.

Roses may enjoy Riley's mother, Kate, (Illeana Douglas) seeking revenge in defense of her daughter's virtue

Sequel Suggestion

Blood Broth.  The real Kim is out for vengeance for the treatment of the Broth brothers, Otis and Elmo, stalks Riley's family by forcing Riley's brother to go to prom with her or the family suffers the consequences.  The family though has other ideas as they go to prom as the chaperones from Hell.

Recommendation

If you like your killers to have a sense a humor, rent it this week.

John Lohmeier

8/3/08

 

      

Spiral

Guns (5 out of 6)

      

Roses  (7 out of 12)

       

This is a creepy little gem of a guy painting women who die or do they?  No spoilers here.   You will like this film if you are a fan of twists and quirky characters.   Joel David Moore was just plain great in this.

Spiral Site

Sequel Suggestion

Screwed.  Moore returns as the troubled painter but this time he is being stalked by a photographer who has too much intimate knowledge of his past and a unhealthy desire for his image on film in the present.  As he paints his secret admirer he has never met, she edges closer and closer to sharing hsi spiral into madness.

Recommendation

Rent this to beat the summer doldrums.

John Lohmeier

7/15/08

The Last Winter

Guns (2 out of 6)

      

Roses  (0 out of 12)

Official The Last Winter Movie Site

Scene Stealers and Squealers

Good: There are genuine moments of terror well shot in the loneliness of this frozen place.  There was potential.

Bad:  An enviromental horror film railing against the oil industry.  How original!  I was half expecting George Bush was a serial killer by the end of the preachy pretender.

Praise and Blaze!

Praise:

None

Blaze:

Ron Perlman (Ed)

Guns 'N Roses

Guns will love the fact that everyone dies as fast as possible.

Roses will like the fact that there are four guys for every girl.  On second thought, that's a guy fantasy.

Sequel Suggestion

Global Warming.  Michael Moore, Al Gore, George Clooney, and Angelina Jolie star in the story of the earth being destroyed by man using too much fossil fuels.  Crap, that was already done in a riveting powerpoint movie.

Recommendation

Don't do it.  In fact, you should flog yourself for driving to the video store.  Save the comments.  I drive a hybrid, yippee for me.

John Lohmeier

7/1/08

Hatchet

Guns (5 out of 6)

      

Roses  (4 out of 12)

      

      

Official Hatchet Movie Site

Scene Stealers and Squealers

Good - This is a great combination of writing and a good campy horror effects.  There is a great buddy relationship between Ben and Marcus.

Bad - They showed the killer too soon considering the budget they had for effects

Praise and Blaze

Praise - Joel David Moore (Ben)

Deon Richmond (Marcus)

Blaze

None

Guns 'N Roses

Guns will love the film producer and his two enthusiastic actresses

Roses will like that Ben is so lovesick over his old girlfriend that he leaves Mardi Gras for a swamp tour (Huh)

Sequel Suggestion

Hatchet - Sharpening the Blade.  A tour boat operator trapped by Crowley cuts a deal for his survival.  If he brings a select group of the people who burned his house down and killed his father, he will not hunt him down.  The people are lured with free land to build on as a Hurricane Katrina rebuilding sweepstakes contest.  Just remember there are alot of dumb people in our world.

Recommendation

Rent it next time you are in the video store.  This is a top shelf "B" horror movie that will make you laugh, jump, and yes, groan.  Enjoy.

John Lohmeier

6/27/08

Perfume

Guns (3 out of 6)

      

Roses  (4 out of 12)

      

Official Perfume Movie Site  

Scene Stealers and Squealers

Good: This was one very creepy, on the edge serial killer movie.  The Egyptian legend was great.

Bad:  This is very slow moving.  If you are tired, pass.

Praise and Blaze

Praise

Ben Wishaw (Jean-Baptiste)

Blaze

None

Guns N' Roses

Guns will enjoy the obsessive nature of his love of women through scent.

Roses will be disgusted at his attempts to capture their scent forever.

Sequel Suggestion

Flavor.  A German peasant is haunted by the taste of accidently licking a girl server at a Fish and Chips in Munich.  Cursed with extraordinay taste buds and the obsession of this moment, he tries to capture the taste of sweaty German women and fried food products in a murderous spree through the fast food establishments of the city.

Recommendation

Rent it if there is nothing else.  This is a weird ride that will creep and bore you at the same time.

John Lohmeier

6/19/08

 

Gone Baby Gone

Guns (5 out of 6)

      

Roses  (9 out of 12)

      

Official Gone Baby Gone Movie Site  

Scene Stealers and Squealers

Good:  Tremendous twists and turns in this heart wrenching story, it also raises the moral argument of doing what's right for all the wrong reasons is acceptable

Bad:  Can't fault much here

Praise and Blaze!

Praise

Casey Affleck (Patrick)

Ed Harris (Remy)

Amy Ryan (Helene)

Blaze

None

Guns N' Roses

Guns will enjoy the harsh reality that sometimes doing the right thing is wrong and can cost you everything

Roses will be glued to the screen as the fate of the daughter hangs in the balance

Sequel Suggestion

Gone Daddy Gone.  The Violent Femmes deserve a film, don't they?  Casey Affleck returns as a dad kidnapped and his newly adopted daughter rescues him from the clutches of the "Pedophiles are People Too" Society.

Recommendation

Rent it this week.  This one you will enjoy talking about for the last scene is a choice that most films aren't done well enough to make you think about these days.

John Lohmeier

6/8/08

Rambo

Guns (5 out of 6)

      

Roses  (3 out of 12)

      

Official Rambo Movie Site 

Scene Stealers and Squealers

Good:  This is high octane war and violence that would make the Terminator blush

Bad:   The Church hiring mercenaries to recover their missionaries was a stretch

Praise and Blaze

Praise:

Sylvester Stallone (John Rambo)

Blaze:

None

Guns N' Roses

Guns will love the 262 kills and 3.2 per minute with no holding back at all

Roses will question the brutality and whether the violence is gratitious even for Burma

Sequel Suggestion 

Rambette: Leather and Mace.  When John Rambo's daughter, unknown to him to this point, is captured on a mission for the Green Berets in Iran, John is called back into duty to help his daughter despite her objections to his help or parenting style.

Recommendation

"Die for Something or Live for Nothing"  Need I say more.  Rent this now for to watch the best Rambo in the series, and by the way the latest Rocky was well worth renting too.  Stallone is the most underappreciated person in Hollywood even though it's politically incorrect to say so.  As Rambo said so eloquently,"F... the world."

John Lohmeier

6/4/08

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Guns (5 out of 6)

      

Roses  (9 out of 12)

     

Official Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Movie Site 

Scene Stealers and Squealers

Good:  It's a great installment in one of the best franchises.  The Indiana and Marion dynamic is just plain fun to watch and the father son evolution is well done.

Bad:  The villians hold this one back and the ending seemed to veer from the supernatural to the superstrange.

Praise and Blaze!!

Praise:

Harrison Ford - Indiana

Karen Allen - Marion

Shia LeBeouf - Mutt

Blaze:

Cate Blanchett - Irina

Guns N' Roses

Guns will enjoy the solid action and fast pace that meets the Indiana Jones standards of old.

Roses will like the twists of the complicated lives Indiana and Marion have led and are finally reunited.

Sequel Suggestion

Indiana Jones and the Tomb of Christ  In this age of doubts and discovery, this would take on finding the greatest story ever told.  It is a far loftier goal than finding the Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail.  The villians would have to be either angry atheists or Muslims who want to destroy the tomb to disprove the religion.

Recommendation

Go see it tomorrow and clap at the end like the good old days.

John Lohmeier

5/31/08

Iron Man

Guns (6 out of 6)

      

Roses  (9 out of 12)

 

Official Iron Man Movie Site    

Scene Stealers and Squealers

Steals:  Classic superhero movie but what separates is the biting sense of humor.  The love and adoration shown to inventing and engineering the weapons and robotics was refreshing to establish the story line.

Squeals:  I know Middle Eastern terrorists are considered technologically challenged but the deception was laughable as a plot advancement.

Praise and Blaze

Praise:

Robert Downey, Jr. (Tony Stark)

Blaze:

None

Guns N' Roses

Guns will enjoy a guy who isn't afraid to say "Yea, I'm a superhero and I kick ass."

Roses will appreciate an action movie that takes the time to develop characters as much as things that blow up

Sequel Suggestion

Iron Man: Heavy Metal.  Slash makes his debut as the villian known as the guitar hero who is robbing the youth of America of their will to study and work through the video game platform's sound waves.  The sound waves cause a panic for the military as it disrupts radar and of course, the powers of Iron Man.

Recommendation

Finish that burger and go to the theater to see this movie.  This is what summer is all about.  Burgers and Iron Man.  Enjoy the holiday and God bless our veterans.

John Lohmeier

5/25/08